Broken Bird - Eren x Reader Ch. 4

~Chapter Four: Fly~

You had been impatiently tapping your foot at the assessment site for ten minutes before Eren, Mikasa and Armin finally showed up. You let out a sharp breath of relief - for reasons you couldn't fathom, you had really hoped that he wouldn't come out to see you alone. You weren't sure if you knew how to handle a situation like that.

You could hear Armin muttering quietly to his friend, "...so get along, okay? She's trying to help."

You snorted derisively, turning your head away to glance out over the lake. It glimmered like diamonds in the moonlight, you noted with interest. Wish you could be here, Amelia.

Eren walked slowly towards you, stopping about five feet away. Mikasa and Armin stood a little further back, talking quietly with one another.

"Couldn't come without your handlers, huh?" You knew it was low of you, but you wanted to gauge his reaction.

He looked at you though his dark bangs with a stubborn, slightly irritated expression on his face. "I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. I know you were just trying to help," he droned.

You noted that his apology sounded rehearsed, and your eyes narrowed, before forming into a slight smirk. "It's understandable. To be fair, I did laugh at you," you said sweetly, batting your lashes at the tall boy.

His expression softened and he chuckled. "Well, I'm sure it was quite the sight, me hanging upside down like that."

You couldn't help but be reminded of what he had said after he hit his head earlier.

"So... pretty..."

Hey, focus! Don't let him get to you!

"Okay," you said quickly, turning around to face the balance machine, all the blood in your body seemingly rushing to your face. "Let's get you hooked up."

After a few minutes of clinking and securing Eren's gear to the large contraption (in complete silence, to your relief), he was good to go, and Mikasa stood poised at the crank to raise him up from the ground.

You faced him and crossed your arms, surveying him quietly. "Okay, Eren. It's easier to stay balanced when you evenly distribute the weight of your body between all of your limbs. You can't try to hold yourself up with just your legs like you would if you were standing, because your center is in your waist."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Eren asked, alarmed.

"Just... try to use your arms and legs equally, okay?" you instructed slowly.

Eren still looked terrified, but seemed to understand.

You looked at Mikasa and she nodded, slowly twisting the crank. Eren's wires tightened and you saw him slowly start to lift off. You stepped forward, spotting him. "Now, hold your arms out to steady yourself. Try not to jerk, Jaeger, you'll lose control!"

Eren whipped his arms outwards, causing his wires to spasm and his body to begin tipping forward. You threw your hands up to catch his shoulders before he hit the ground, squeaking when you just managed to hold up the brunt of his weight. He looked at you in shock, before realizing just how close he had gotten to your face and pulling away slightly.

You realized, even in the darkness, that his eyes even had hints of blue in them.

You cleared your throat and straightened Eren up, talking in a calm and professional voice, trying to mask your unease. "You have to calm down, Jaeger. If you panic, you'll definitely fall."

He has to calm down? You need to calm down, you scolded yourself mentally.

"You can call me Eren, you know. Everyone else does."

Your eyes widened and your face further heated up, but you chose to ignore his comment. You steadied him in his harness and looked at him seriously. "Just don't panic, okay? We're gonna try again."

You let go and took a step back, watching as Eren's entire body tensed and his brows knotted together in intense concentration.

"Good... good. Now use your arms to keep yourself balanced and... wait... no!"

You managed to dart forward to catch him again, bumping your forehead hard against his in the process. You felt the pain bloom within your head and even saw stars. "Shit!" you yelped, letting go of Eren and clutching your forehead.

You forgot to take a step back.

Eren continued his fall forwards, his head landing squarely in the crook of your neck. You grunted in pain and threw your arms around his back, trying to keep him from falling any further.

"Um... [Name]..."

You looked down towards his voice and, realizing that he had a perfect view of down the front of your button-up shirt, straightened him up quickly in the harness, one hand on his side to keep him upright.

Eren's eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his nose was scrunched up.

Armin chuckled from a few feet away. Even Mikasa looked like she might be enjoying herself a little more than her normally stoic face let on.

Ah, fuck. This is going to be a long night.

~

An hour and no success later, the four of you decided that is was probably best to finish up for the night. No matter what you tried or said, it seemed like Eren wasn't going to improve much. The boy was lowered to the ground with a sullen look on his face, and you felt your chest tighten.

You couldn't believe it, but you felt badly for the boy.

Armin and Mikasa stood around watching Eren as he began to unhook himself from the mechanism, and Mikasa started forward to assist him. His eyes shot up at her, alight with anger. "Just go. I can do this by myself."

Mikasa and Armin looked at each other uncertainly for a moment before reluctantly starting off towards the dorms, talking quietly. You lingered behind, watching Eren as he finally became free of the wires and began to loosen the uncomfortable straps of his 3DMG gear.

You wanted to say something, but really didn't know what. You doubted there were any words in the world that could make the boy feel better right now. His lifelong dream was so close, and he was about to lose it at step one. Goodbye, Scouting Legion.

As stupid as you thought he was, you couldn't help but admire his determination. His bravery, even.

"You don't have to wait either. Go."

You were shocked out of your thoughts by Eren's voice. He managed to sound calm, but you could hear the underlying pain. "I'll wait," you said quickly.

"Why?" he asked, unclipping the harness on his left hip, letting the clamp drop to the ground.

Why did you want to stay? You weren't even sure yourself. You still didn't even really like this guy, you just...

"I wanted to talk you," you lied without thinking.

"What could you possibly have to say to me?" he snapped, fumbling with his other clamp.

The words escaped you before you even had the chance to stop them from leaving your mouth. You should have felt embarrassed, but strangely enough, you didn't. "You have to pass tomorrow."

It was too dark to really see, but Eren looked angry. "What do you mean, 'I have to pass'?"

Oh, yeah. Definitely angry.

You took a deep breath, harnessing the rest of your courage. "There's... no one else here like you, Jaeger. No one anywhere. There's no one else who even comes close."

He scoffed and dropped his other clamps, stepping away from the mechanism with folded arms. He stood close enough for you to touch him, but you wouldn't dare. He stared you down. "Meaning that I'm the only one interested in joining the Scouting Legion. You're saying I need to stay so that you can continue to live your comfortable life?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, crossing your own arms. "Comfortable life, my ass. That's not what I'm saying and you know it. I meant that there's not a single soldier here with half the purpose that you have. If they even have a purpose at all."

"That includes you?"

The question surprised you. Your eyes fell, along with your arms. You turned away to face the lake once more, seeing the reflections of the stars on the still, glassy water. "No, I have a purpose of my own."

"And what would that be?" His voice was gentler as he stepped closer still.

You almost wanted to answer harshly and tell him to mind his own business, but ultimately decided against it. You weren't sure why, but you answered him. Truthfully. "To keep a promise."

His eyebrows quirked at you curiously, turquoise eyes lighting up with interest. "What promise?"

You turned away and started walking back towards the dorms. "I won't say."

His nose crinkled and he jogged up behind, but he didn't remark on your less-than-indulgent answer. "So someone made you promise to join the Military Police?"

Nice try, Jaeger. You picked up your pace. "No."

Unfortunately for you, he managed to maintain your speed without much effort. "Then what?" he asked, coming up to walk beside you.

You shot him a look, slowing down a bit once you realized he wasn't going to let up. "I won't say," you repeated.

His face fell into a look of disapproval, and maybe disappointment. "Then why even bring it up?"

You looked at him apologetically. "I... this isn't about me. What I was trying to say is that if anyone has the will to make a difference, it's you. So you need to pass."

He laughed dryly. "Well, thanks. But I can't pass if I don't even have the skills necessary to stay upright." He stopped for a moment and turned around, his head falling into his hands. "Fuck!"

You halted abruptly, looking back at the boy. You walked over to him, feeling... awkward. Your hands felt heavy, and you didn't know what to do to help Eren as he had a breakdown in front of you.

Then you heard it.

The tiniest, faintest of sniffles.

You put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I know you can do it. Like I said, there's no one else here like you. You'll find a way."

He looked up at you with red eyes. "How do you reckon I'll do that?"

You smiled at him, letting your hand fall to your side. "Through sheer force of will. I know that if anyone can do it, it's you."

He nodded uncertainly, wiping his eyes cautiously. "Don't tell anyone that about this."

Not a demand. A plea. Just like you had asked him your first night in the military. You nodded. "I wouldn't dream of it." He smiled at you sheepishly.

You realized then that you and Eren were standing in between the men and women's dormitories.

"...[Name]?"

You looked at Eren curiously. "Yes?"

"Why do you want to join the Military Police?"

You looked at the ground, wringing your hands together nervously. You didn't want to approach this topic. It was getting a little too... close to home. "The Scouting Legion aren't the only ones who can help people."

He seemed to consider this quietly for a moment. "So you want to join the Military Police to... help people?"

Your voice gained confidence and you stopped playing with your hands. You remembered that night, and all the years before it, suffering because of the negligence of the Police. "Yes. They're corrupt. They need to change, and I've made it my mission to do so."

Confusion colored his darkened features. "But you're from Jinae, right? How do you know anything about the Military Police? They don't usually leave the Capital."

You remembered the bang and Amelia's single, quiet grunt before hitting the ground. You remembered the splash of crimson and the mirror falling to the ground. You could feel the shard of glass cutting into your cheek. You absentmindedly lifted a hand to your scar, running a finger along the raised, bone-white skin. "...they came to my district once on business. They shot a killed a thief, a little girl just trying to get by."

Eren was silent for several seconds. When he finally spoke, his voice was weaker than you'd ever heard it. "...that's horrible."

Your voice was devoid of all emotion when you answered. "Yeah."

"Did you know the girl?" he asked quietly.

"No," you blurted, cursing yourself for sounding harsher than you intended.

Eren looked at you with concern, reaching a hand forward and touching your arm lightly. "[Name]-"

You pulled back as if he had burned you, speaking quickly and with finality. "No, I didn't know her."

He looked hurt, but didn't say anything more on the matter. "Okay."

You cursed yourself for your immediate reaction. Still pushing people away, [Name]?

Amelia didn't want that.

"Why do you still want to join the Scouting Legion? After Shiganshina?"

His pained expression transformed into one of rage, and a green fire burned behind his eyes. "The titans took everything from me. I won't stop until I kill them all."

You thought for a moment. "Do you really think you can do that?"

He took a step closer to you, eyes still flaming. "I don't care if I can. I'm going to try. I'm going to put my heart and soul into eliminating them, one-by-one, and I won't let anything stop or distract me. Do you really think you can change the Military Police?"

Your expression matched his own and you stepped closer, now standing practically nose-to-nose with the green-eyed soldier. "I won't stop until I do."

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

You returned his gesture. "Okay."

You stared at each other in the dark for a moment.

His gaze fell. "Do you really think I'll be able to pass tomorrow?"

You looked at him fiercely. "I believe that more than anything."

He grinned at you. You weren't sure if you'd ever seen that expression on him before. Especially not directed at you.

You liked it.

"...Thank you, [Name]," he spoke quietly, eyes meeting yours.

You froze, shocked by his gentleness. "I... you're welcome... Eren."

You rapidly turned to walk towards your dorm, a small smile creeping its way to your face.

"You said my name."

You stirred up a little dirt as you looked over your shoulder at him. "I did," you agreed flatly.

There it was again. That smile. "You're really not as cold as everyone thinks you are, huh?"

You glared at him, crossing your arms. "Shut up, asshole. Don't let it go to your big, stupid head."

"Alright," he laughed. "Goodnight."

Your sneer evaporated and you chuckled softly with him. "Goodnight."

~

Eren smiled to himself as you walked off towards your own dormitory.

She said my name...

His eyes widened and he shook his head, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, desperately trying to rub out the image of you smiling from his troubled mind.

Focus, Eren. Now is not the time for that.

You were an anomaly, that's for sure. He'd never really met anyone quite like you, just like you had said about him. You were set to join the damned Military Police, just like Kirschtein, but... Eren felt like you weren't there for similarly selfish reasons. His thoughts wandered to the strange, long scar that marred your cheek.

You weren't like the other people who grew up in Wall Rose. Marco was from Jinae, too, but he couldn't have been any more different. He was so warm and kind, so open to everyone and you... well, you were not.

He'd never met anyone more guarded, and that included even Mikasa. You weren't as quiet as Annie, but... you exuded this unapproachable aura. Almost like you were wearing a sign around your neck that read, "Do Not Touch".

It made Eren all the more determined to get close to you. To get to know you. To see that smile light up your beautiful features again and again.

Beautiful? When did I start thinking that?

He mentally slapped himself for thinking such a thing as he quietly slipped into the men's dormitory, shutting the heavy door behind him with a soft click. He knew he should shower, but he was too tired. He'd just shower in the morning. Instead, he dressed down into his boxers and crawled up into his bunk.

"Eren?" He heard a voice from the bed below.

"Yeah, Armin?"

The soft voice spoke up through the board of the bed. "What are you going to do about tomorrow?"

Eren paused for a moment, thinking back to the look on your face when you told you that you believed he could do it. That you believed in him.

She believes in me.

"I'm going to pass," Eren answered resolutely. "I need to."

~

The next day began without much deviation from the usual. Mina woke you up at dawn and you showered and changed into your uniform. You gently woke up Annie, as had become a routine for the two of you, who grumbled at you but reluctantly got out of bed, before you went outside and commenced your own, personal stretching routine. This morning, unlike usual, Mikasa joined you. You didn't mind the company, and she didn't say a word. When you both finished, she got up and silently made her way to the assessment site for the final balance test. You followed behind her in equal quiet, getting in line at one of the balance machines.

You passed your test without a hitch. You were even praised by Shadis again, which was a pleasant surprise. It wasn't often that one of the Cadets got praised by your ill-tempered instructor. Regardless, each of you respected the man. You feared him, too, yes; but the past few weeks had caused each of you to harbor a strange affection for the strict man. Reiner once even jokingly referred to him as 'Papa Shadis', drawing a laugh from the other recruits. Even you had to smile at the blonde brute's nickname.

You quickly unhooked yourself and touched down lightly on the ground, making your way over to the mechanisms on the far edge of the field just in time to see Eren's own assessment begin.

Slowly, you watched Eren's feet lift off the ground. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed in concentration. He caught your eyes.

You smiled at him confidently, mouthing the words, 'You can do it'.

He nodded and straightened up a bit in his harness, reaching the top of the lift. He lifted the arms at his sides, leaning forward a bit, distributing his weight.

He didn't falter, and he didn't fall.

You could have cheered, but decided against it. Instead, your smile widened.

That's when you noticed something was wrong. Eren was wobbling uncontrollably in his harness, despite his steady movements. You could tell he was trying desperately to hold on and not panic. Just like you told him.

Something clicked on his belt and he fell forward, smashing his head on the ground with a sickening crack.

He pulled himself up onto his elbows and stared at the ground, absolutely devastated.

You were right about what you had thought the night before. You didn't like seeing his green eyes flood with heartbreak.

"No," he whimpered as Shadis approached him slowly. "No, not yet! I'm not ready! I was just getting started..."

Shadis looked at him sullenly before lifting his gaze up to the blonde boy controlling Eren's crank. "Wagner," he said. "Give your belt to Jaeger."

Surprised, the boy, Wagner, snapped into a sharp salute. "Yes, sir!"

Eren stood tentatively on his feet while Wagner removed his gear, handing it to the taller boy once he finished. You noted the look of confusion on both boy's faces. Soon enough, Eren was hooked up to the machine again, decked out in the new belt.

Slowly, Wagner cranked the machine. Eren's feet left the ground.

And he floated in the air steadily, never once disturbing his perfect, even balance.

"You had faulty gear," explained Shadis. "Your clasp was warped and useless. I've never seen this part break before," he said thoughtfully. "It's a wonder you were able to stay in the air at all with this belt."

You heard the rustle of shocked and awed whispers around you as the other cadets marveled at the boy on the machine.

"So he managed to do it even with broken gear..."

"How did he do that?"

Through the sheer force of his will...

He looked at you from his spot in the harness, and a triumphant grin lit up his features. 'Thank you,' he mouthed.

You nodded, feeling happier than you had in a year.

~

You shot your anchor into the next tree and felt the pull of your wires yank you in that direction, pressure on your upper and middle back from the leather straps tightening painfully around your entire body. Even with the pain and discomfort, you can't remember ever feeling so light, so... free.

Holy mother of Sina, am I glad I left the Undercity!

"Woohoo!"

You turned in your harness towards the voice, shooting your next anchor, as a blur shot past you, whooping cheerfully. You barely managed to catch a sight of bright green eyes and chocolate brown hair.

You grinned mischievously, picking up the pace and catching up to the blur.

"Eren! Don't start thinking you can beat me just because you balanced with broken gear!"

You howled in excitement as you shot your wires above his head, soaring over him with ease.

"Not so fast, [Name]! Aha!"

The two of you raced each other, screaming taunts back and forth, laughing raucously.

He glanced quickly at you, grinning widely. "Thank you!" he yelled.

You smirked. "For what? I didn't do anything! You had bad gear."

"No, really," he called over the wind. "I was ready to give up, but you convinced me to keep trying."

You scoffed. "You'd have kept trying anyway!"

"Maybe!" he conceded with a grin, pulling forward. You rushed to keep up. "But it would have sucked a whole lot more without you."

You shot him a grin, landing your next anchor in a large tree a ways ahead. "Well, then, let's just say that you owe me!"

That wiped the smile right off his face. "No way! That's not what I meant!"

"You said it yourself, it would have sucked without me! However will you pay me back?"

He scowled, but the expression was only half-hearted. "Fine! I owe you!"

You laughed, zipping quickly in front of him. He recoiled in alarm as you dipped in front of him. "That's what I thought, idiot!"

"I'm not an idiot!" he yelled, following after you.

You smiled back at him. "Yes, you are!"

You were too busy grinning at him to notice the oncoming tree until you hit it.

Shit.

You thought you heard someone call your name before darkness swallowed you.