Broken Bird - Eren x Reader Ch. 6

~Chapter Six: I Think You're Okay~

"Wait, this squiggly... it is an 'n', right? I keep getting it mixed up."

"'M's have two bumps. You're right, that's an 'n'."

"Oh. Okay."

You scribbled down the next letter furiously, tongue peeking out from between your teeth in concentration. You leaned back once you finished and observed your work, laying your pen down on the wood beside it. "There. 'Titan'."

Marco grinned at you happily. "Excellent! I didn't even need to correct you this time! You're really getting the hang of it."

You smiled back shyly. "I am. Thank you again, Marco."

You and Marco had been practicing your reading together for several months now. It was difficult at first, trying to meet without looking suspicious.  After the first month, however, the two of you had worked out a system of meeting in the classroom early, before all the other cadets arrived for morning classes.

You got together for your lessons only two or three times a week, but all the same, getting up a few hours earlier than the others took its toll on you and the freckled soldier. Especially in sparring, when you would be mercilessly pummeled by one of the other cadets. You could tell that Marco suffered, too, but he would never say anything about it. It made you feel even worse about being the cause of his lack of sleep when you noticed him one day being bested by Armin, who was easily one of the worst in sparring. Distracting him from his goal of serving the king wasn't the best way of showing your gratitude.

You were grateful to him for more than just the lessons, though. Being friends with Marco was the best thing that could have happened to help your relationship with the other members of the 104th trainee corps. You could hardly consider them 'friends' yet, but they at least started to interact with you more, which made you very happy. As the Old Man used to say in the Undercity, you had dug your grave and needed to lie in it, but you were glad that the trainees were more forgiving concerning your initial cold treatment of them all. Marco's warmth and kindness to you seemed to not go unnoticed by the others, and day by day, you found yourself building relationships with each of them, even the blunt and horse-faced ass named Jean Kirschtein, who, you had learned, seemed to have a thing going on with your tutor that you found a little... adorable, for lack of a better word. You'd never say anything about it, though. Marco was keeping your secret, so you would faithfully keep his.

You had begun to seriously reconsider keeping your distance over the last few months of winter. You'd never have admitted it to him (or ever yourself), but you knew that Eren's words about not taking what you had for granted that first night in the military really resonated with you. Maybe it was entirely his speech, or maybe it was the fact that you had begun to grow rather fond of the others, or maybe it was Mina's steady, relentless encroaching upon your personal life. Maybe it was just Marco's steady, unwavering kindness.

Honestly... you didn't know what it was. All you knew was that you didn't want to spend whatever time you had left on this miserable world living a life to match. Even with monsters straight out of the depths of hell knocking on your doorstep and the scum of the universe festering beneath your feet, happiness was possible. And you intended to find it.

First, though, you needed to learn to read.

"Okay, next word... 'Maria'," Marco dictated with a soft smile.

You nodded, picked up your pen, and turned back to your rapidly filling notebook page.

"'M'... 'a'..."

The next half an hour was spent attempting to rewrite yesterday's notes, read aloud by Marco. As it turns out, you were incredibly apt to learning once you knew what to do. Marco said you might even have an intelligence to match Armin's, but you thought he was just saying it to make you feel better. You couldn't help but remind yourself that, even if you did have the same level of intelligence as the blonde boy, he still had 15 years of learning under his belt, while you had a mere few months. Your intelligence would be doing no one any good.

Still, though, you learned to read rather quickly. Unfortunately, seeing as you could only get in a handful of hours a week, it took several weeks for you to learn the basics, a few months to be able to read. Once you could read fluently, Marco had begun to teach you to write. This was more of a challenge for you because you had never written before, but slowly you were picking it up. You noted, with pride, that your writing did not look much worse than even Marco's.

Nonetheless, you were glad that springtime was well underway and more training would be taking place outside rather than indoors once the heat returned. As much as you had improved since your private lessons, reading and writing was still taxing for you.

Click. Click. Click.

You looked up with a start, hurrying to close your notebook with your thoughts interrupted when you heard the faint echo of footsteps approaching the classroom. Marco looked equally alarmed, stuffing his books into his knapsack with feverish panic.

You had been caught arriving early a few times by other cadets, but each time, it never failed to make you nervous. You didn't want to be caught so many times that any of them began to suspect anything, but until then, no one had seemed to noticed anything awry. Mostly they just chalked it up to you and Marco being early birds. You were more than happy to let them think so, but it didn't stop your heart from racing at the sound of the approaching person.

Your face paled when you saw who it was.

Bright green eyes narrowed at you suspiciously, stopping in the doorway. You looked at him sheepishly, trying to appear as absolutely innocent as possible, halting in your quick job of hiding your notebook. It half-hung out of your bag, more than a little conspicuous, and Marco marched quickly to the back of the room, dropping a pen and several papers along the way.

Great. This isn't awkward at all.

You smiled calmly, trying to ease the tension in the silent room.

Unfortunately for you, this seemed to have a different effect upon Eren. He snorted, throwing his own bag over his shoulder, and made his way to the bench at the front of the room that he usually shared with Armin and Mikasa. He took out his notes and began to read silently, his eyebrows furrowed dangerously and his cheeks burning a dark red color.

You and Eren hadn't really spoken since the 3DMG incident too much. It wasn't something that you thought either of you had done on purpose, but you were busy with your lessons and Eren was busy planning to eradicate every titan and you just assumed that being as busy as you both were had caused you to stop talking.

Busy. Right.

Eren seemed to react more coldly to you now, you thought resignedly. You weren't quite sure why. You thought the two of you had ended on a pretty good note after the accident, considering your history with the boy. Still, that was months ago, and now his eyes hardened and his body tensed whenever he so much as looked in your direction. Any attempts at conversation were met with complete silence and dismissal. You noted grimly that he seemed to be on better terms with Jean than with you, despite the boys' unending rivalry. You hated to admit that you didn't like that small fact. At all.

You quietly observed the boy, annoyance lacing your emotions. You didn't notice that his eyes never strayed from a single spot on the center of the page as he pretended read. The three of your sat in silence until the rest of the trainees arrived.

~

The lesson passed without further incident. You even managed to write down most of the lecture (with a few mixed up letters, of course) without much trouble. Marco patted you on the back reassuringly once Shadis dismissed you all, and you began to pack up your things.

Your instructor's deep voice hollered out from behind the desk, "Return your books and commence stretches out on the field. We'll be sparring today."

There was a collective, quiet groan amongst the departing trainees. Shadis glowered from his perch at the head of the room, before grunting and exiting through the sliding doorway with the rest of the milling students. This unanimous disapproval was present whenever you practiced anything that didn't involve 3DMG, so Shadis had given up on scolding you all for your 'laziness'. You thought he just learned that the whining was an unavoidable factor in dealing with a bunch of teenagers.

You quickly jogged your books to your dorm, chatting with Marco and Jean along the way, and then arrived at the field with the rest of the girls you live with, completely outfitted with your uniform and gear. You barely noticed the weight of the straps on your body anymore, and the laddered bruises were as much a part of you as your skin.

Shadis promptly had you each lined up, and began calling out names to designate who would be sparring with who today.

"Braun and Springer... Ackerman and Arlert... Lenz and Fubar... Braus and Bodt... Tius and Diamant... Kirschtein and Zermusky... Jaeger and [Surname]... Carolina and Leonhardt... Kefka and Ymir..."

You groaned. You noticed a certain boy echoing the reaction from several places down the line. As Shadis finished calling off the names, the line broke apart and cadets met up with their partners. Eren strode over to you, glowering.

You glared back, insulted by his reaction. "Jaeger. You're looking rather chipper today," you quipped shortly.

He grunted, unamused, his eyes made of steel.  "Let's just get this over with."

He shot forward before you had time to register and you caught his biceps before he made impact, the two of you immediately locking into a tense brawl. You grunted in pain at his tight grip on your skin, knowing that you needed to find a way out of this lock and quickly, or Eren would surely overpower you. Your knees slowly began to buckle as he pushed, your arms shaking slightly at the pressure.

Well, shit.

"Come on, tired from your little early morning meeting today?" Eren snarled, squeezing your arm harshly.

You yelped and managed to spin out, twisting his wrists uncomfortably as you extracted yourself from his hold on you. "Shut up, Jaeger," you growled, arms raising in front of your face defensively.

"I thought we had moved past using surnames?" His tone did not match his teasing words. Instead, he sounded harsh and mocking. He swung his fist out at you clumsily, and you avoided it with ease, leaning back and landing a swift hit to his abdomen. He grunted in pain.

"I thought so, too," you shot back, jumping out of the way of a low kick. "Apparently not."

"A shame, that," he said brusquely, following you as you backed up, fists clenched angrily.

You felt your anger at his attitude and the last few months of being rejected by him boiling over viciously, and fiercely swung your arm out at him like a club, yelling, "Just shut up and fight!"

You realized your careless mistake when he easily caught you mid-swing and twisted your arm around so you were forced to rotate and have your back to him to avoid your arm being ripped out of its socket. He grabbed your waist and pulled you flush against his chest, wrapping an arm around your neck, and growled in your ear.

"Gladly... [Surname]."

You shivered at his breath on your ear and the feeling of his warmth on your back. You could feel his heart hammering between your shoulder blades. Gripping his thick bicep, you tried desperately to escape him yet again. He refused to relent, and you howled in frustration.

"What's the matter?" he growled. You dug your short, blunted fingernails into his arms, but he didn't notice. "This is about the only skill you may ever need in the Military Police, and you can't even get out of this hold? Pathetic. Looks like you won't be able to keep that promise you mentioned before after all."

His words burned in your mind, and you began to panic, shocked by his cruelty.

What's wrong with him?

You bit down on his skin in your desperation and he yelped, rattling you violently. When he didn't succeed at shaking you off, he popped your knees outward with his own, throwing you brutally to the ground as he sauntered away, glancing at his arm. A thin line of blood trickled down from the u-shaped mark of your teeth, and you could taste iron on your tongue. He turned to look at you sitting in a cloud of dust on the ground, rubbing your throat. You glowered at him savagely as you struggled to your feet, moaning in slight pain at the strain on your back as your straightened up.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not good at holding back," Eren taunted, striding back towards you and resuming his defensive pose.

"I  wouldn't want you to," you replied, spitting his blood out of your mouth with as much force as you could muster. He raised an eyebrow at your violent display. You could still feel the effects from his last attack, but refused to show it to him. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

His smile was feral. "Of course you wouldn't. But you'd still rather spar with Marco, though, am I right?"

You balked at his words. "Don't be stupid, Jaeger!" You darted towards him, ducking under his swing to reach behind him, catching his arm in both of your hands and throwing him forcefully to the ground. You could almost hear the creak of his stressed joints as he landed harshly onto his back.

"Ouch, shit!" he swore, reaching up and trying to grab your hands. You swung your leg over his torso and put all of your weight on him, effectively pinning him to the ground beneath you.

You leaned forward so that you were almost nose-to-nose with the angry brunette. "I'm not good at holding back either," you gritted, pressing hard onto his arms, forcing them into the pebbled ground.

"Then don't!" he grunted painfully, powering out of your hold and grabbing your shoulders, throwing you onto the dirt behind him. He leapt up nimbly, spinning around and throwing a punch, which you narrowly dodged, arms raised protectively in front of your face.

"Come on!" he barked. "I would hate for your early mornings to affect your admission into the Military Police with other fucking cowards like you!"

Something inside of you snapped, and you hurtled towards him with a yell.

Your fist connected with his face, but you were also met promptly with a swift kick to the ankles and a hit to the face. You regained your balance, clutching your throbbing eye, and backed away a bit from the fight to assess the damage. Nothing seemed to be bleeding or broken, you thought with relief, but the skin around your right eye and cheek felt uncomfortable tight and you could still taste Eren's blood on your lips. You looked up at Eren through the fading pain.

He wasn't as lucky. Blood ran down his face from an obviously split eyebrow (courtesy of the ring you didn't take off), but his expression hadn't changed from before. He looked just as determined, just as intense, and just as angry.

"THE POINT IS TO SPAR, NOT PUMMEL EACH OTHER TO DEATH."

Shadis' bellowing voice caused both of you to jump and be pulled away from your stare-down. You looked around you with a wide-eyed expression when you saw that Shadis and most of the cadets had come away to watch your brawl. Eren wore a similar expression of surprise.

You imagined that you and Eren must have made quite the sight, panting heavily and covered in his blood. You saw Annie observing you coldly, next to an obviously concerned Mina who clutched at the fabric on her chest. Mikasa looked slightly irritated (you noticed with relief that it was directed solely at her brother), and Armin had a look of worry. The others had varying looks of concern, and some amusement. Marco just looked downright shocked.

You looked at your feet in shame.

"BOTH OF YOU, TO YOUR DORMS. NEXT TIME, TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELVES AND NOT TEAR EACH OTHER APART."

"Yes, sir," you said meekly. You heard Eren's likewise reply to your right.

"DISMISSED."

You moved to return to your dorms as the other trainees dispersed, but you were pulled back by a rough hand on your arm. You spun around to come face-to-face with Eren.

"This isn't over. Meet me here after lights out and we'll finish this."

You scowled at him and shook free, showing him your back. "Fine."

He stood there for several moments, watching you leave, before leaving himself.

~

You impatiently finished the rest of the day, showering in solitude and tidying up the dorm a bit before attending dinner. You sat with Mina, Christa, Ymir, and Sasha as usual. Thankfully, they all decided not to mention the sparring match from earlier or the blackening bruise on your right eye, and you could eat in a blissful silence. You refused to look at the corner of the room where the three from Shiganshina normally sat.

After dinner, everyone returned to their respective dorms. You managed to sneak into the covers with your uniform on without anyone noticing, and then sat in silence until you finally heard the telltale sounds of seven other sleeping girls. You quietly slipped out of your bunk and out the front door of the small cabin without any of them noticing and headed to the field with fire on your mind and in your heart.

Eren was already there waiting for you, with a sour look on his face. "It's about time."

You wasted no time in falling into your defensive stance. "Just get started. I want to get to bed."

His stance resembled yours as you both slowly began to circle each other. "Right. I'm sure you're getting up extra early tomorrow."

You shot daggers at him with your eyes, stepping around the dirt carefully. "It's none of your business."

"Oh? But it's Marco's?" His voice strained as he raced towards you, fists lifted.

"He has nothing to do with this," you replied, quickly dodging him and pivoting to face him again.

He scoffed. "What, are the two of you fooling around or something?"

"No," you growled defensively. You attempted to trip him as he charged again, but he leapt over your extended leg while trying to grab you, which you avoided.

"Didn't know he had it in him," he mocked harshly.

"Go to hell," you gnarled.

He ignored you, and didn't make any further attacks. "I don't understand what you see in him," he said disapprovingly.

It was your turn to scoff, arms lowered. "He's better than you, at least."

Eren didn't respond, but snapped into action once more and swiftly punched your ribs. You bent over, holding your side, and looked up at him through your loose hair. He grabbed at it with rough hands and threw you onto the ground. You squeaked in pain, trying to defend yourself, but he was sitting on your chest and pinning your hands before you knew what was happening. You realized grimly that this was a reflection of the hold you had on him earlier, and regretted teaching him this certain technique. You wouldn't be able to break out of it like he did. You weren't strong enough.

"Then?"

You looked up at him from the ground. "Then what?" you asked sharply, struggling beneath him.

His eyes narrowed at you. "Why did you even come out here?"

You ignored the question, jerking your hands. They didn't budge, so you pulled up your knees and attempted to kick him, but couldn't get high enough. You were stuck. You ceased fighting. "Get off me, you cow!"

He didn't relent. "Why did you come?"

You grunted, frustrated. "Because you told me to!"

He shook his head, eyebrows drawn together. "You didn't need to. Why did you come?"

You stared at him, unmoving. "Get off."

"No," he said promptly.

Your scowl deepened and you tried to sound like you had some dignity, but failed. "Jaeger! Get off!"

"Say my name."

"..."

What now? You weren't sure you heard him correctly.

He wants me to say his name?

"What?" you asked unintelligently, confused.

He glared fiercely. "I'll let you go if you say my name."

You fumed at him. "No."

He sighed. "Come on. How hard is it?"

"Fuck you, Jaeger," you spat.

He growled and jerked your shoulders, digging you further into the ground and resting all of his weight on your chest. You gasped, not in pain, but discomfort, and struggled in vain again to free yourself from his bruising grip.

"Say. My. Name." he said with more authority than you thought he was capable of.

You had enough, and finally started to yell. "Why should I? What is your problem?!"

He yelled right back at you, the facade of calm falling off his face. "I hate it when you call me Jaeger. We've been here for almost a year, and I'm the only one you still call by last name!"

He looked like he could hit himself for giving in and telling you what his problem was, but tried to hold your gaze with what little pride he had left. You turned your head away from him, ready to dismiss his accusation, but he held you tight.

"No! I talked to you! I told you things I never told anyone else! Not Armin. Not Mikasa. So you run and go make friends with Marco, and I'm still just 'Jaeger' to you?"

"I already said, Marco has nothing to do with -"

"Don't," he cut you off, sounding drained. "I don't want to hear more lies. I want you to say my name. Like before."

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

You peered into his darkened, turquoise eyes. He looked at you resentfully, staring at your face for a few very silent, but somehow very loud seconds. You were about to give up and break the tense stalemate, closing your eyes in resignation. Something brushed against the side of your face, over your scar, and your eyes shot open. His expression was one of mixed despair and disgust.

"I'm sorry," he said brokenly, one hand touching the side of your face. Whether he was talking about the scar or the black eye, you weren't sure. "I'm so sorry," he repeated, body falling over yours pathetically. His head fell next to yours, and you froze, hands outstretched, away from him, utterly confused.

"Are...are you okay?" you asked uncertainly.

"I didn't want to hurt you. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. Gods, I'm so fucking stupid."

You could hear him talking lowly into your ear, but it sounded more like it was to himself than to you. You remained silent and listened.

"I just... I got so angry. I wanted you to look at me like you look at him. I thought I had finally gotten through to you, and then you just... stopped. You're always pushing me away." His voice raised the slightest bit, and he pulled away to look you squarely in the face. "Why? Why do you do that?"

You couldn't find the strength to speak and stared at him mutely. He looked away.

"Before I knew it, we stopped speaking and you were sneaking into the classroom early every morning with him. Right after I told you... about my nightmares," he whispered, looking uncomfortable. "I thought I scared you away when you realized how broken I was. And even if I kept telling myself not to care, I did. I cared. I still care. A lot," he admitted sheepishly. "You make me crazy. You're all I can think about. I keep wondering what I did wrong, and I can't focus on my training, and... fuck, you're just such a distraction!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the ground beside your face. You yelped once in fear before falling silent, staring at him above you with wide eyes.

He blanched at your reaction and looked like he was ready to cry, holding his hands up in submission. "I... shit. Gods, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry," he pleaded, leaning back and sitting on his heels at the bottom of your legs.

You sat up slowly, pushing yourself upright with your hands until you could kneel in front of him.

What now?

Acting on something purely instinctual, and before he could say anything else, you wrapped your arms around his torso and pulled him to you, hugging him tightly. You were shocked by how natural it felt to hold him. You heard him gasp quietly into your hair at your action.

"Eren, you idiot," you said softly.

He pulled back and looked down at your with shocked green eyes. "Huh?"

You tentatively grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry, too."

A look of confusion painted his features. "Why?"

"For pushing you away," you explained. "I didn't... I don't do it on purpose. And I don't think you're broken. Far from it," you confessed, blushing. "I just... I've never been good at making friends. I'm mean and cold and..." It was Eren's turn to remain quiet as you continued. "I'm the one who's broken. If you get too close to something broken, you're bound to get hurt by it. Like cutting your finger on shattered glass. You were just the one unfortunate enough to get too close to me."

"But... Marco?" he asked.

"Marco offered to help me study. Plus, it's impossible not to be friends with Marco," you said matter-of-factly. "And... I'm not his type," you added with a chuckle.

He actually laughed a little at that, some of the tension draining from his handsome face. "That's a fair point."

You both fell into silence after that for a few moments.

"You know, I... think you're okay," Eren said softly.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't think you're mean or cold or broken. I don't think you're anything other than amazing."

You didn't want him to know how much it meant to you that he said that. "So... I'm 'okay'?" you asked slyly.

Eren blushed furiously. "Shut up."

You laughed quietly, still sitting on your heels. "I think you're okay, too. Idiot."

Eren laughed, then fell silent. "...Truce?" he asked shyly, holding out a large, tanned hand to you.

You stared at it in confusion for a few seconds before returning your gaze to his own. You gripped his hand tightly, shaking it with a grin on your face.  "Truce."

His grinned wickedly as he held tightly to your hand and pulled, effectively throwing you into his arms. He wrapped them around you and squeezed tightly, knocking the breath out of your lungs.

"Thank you," he whispered.

You smiled and wrapped your arms around him.

~

Two Years Later

"[Name]!"

You turned as you headed out to the field, walking backwards to face the owner of the voice. "Yes, Eren?" you called.

You heard a deep voice shout a greeting and turned to wave as Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie walked by, Reiner grinning, Bertl smiling shyly at you. Annie nodded quietly.

"You weren't going to wait for me, were you?" Eren asked indignantly, jogging to catch up with your long strides.

You smirked. "You were taking too long."

You looked up at your friend with a smile, pondering how much taller he'd gotten in the last two years. You were all eighteen now, and graduation was swiftly approaching. You could hardly even believe you had all come this far, and you had lived it.

Eren faked a look of offense. "I'm insulted. I think you're just too impatient."

You grinned, swinging your hips into him beside you and knocking him off balance, giggling as he stumbled slightly.

"Idiot. Come on, Shadis will kill us if we're late."