Broken Bird - Eren x Reader Ch. 16

~Chapter Sixteen: Risen~

You weren't sure how much time had passed since your world ended.

You and Armin had since moved on from the bell tower, him carrying you by the waist to avoid further injury to your leg. You hung limply in his arms as he wobbled through the air precariously, managing to operate his worn gear with only one hand. It was proving to be very difficult, as the combined weight of you and his gear was not easy for Armin to bear, even with years of physical training.

Still, he hadn't spoken. You hadn't spoken. Neither of you needed to speak in order to understand the pain the other was feeling. You flew on in silence, both looking over the district with grief-stricken eyes.

Violence and death warped Trost several shades darker than its former self, the once bright city now a ghost of its past. Everything seemed blurry and stained, like the oils melting off an artistic masterpiece. Screaming echoed from off in the distance, but there was nothing you could do to help them - not with only two of you, one pair of 3DMG, and several blunted blades. You kept going the curved path, turning a blind eye to their anguish. You could see the heads of various monsters amongst the roofs, and felt sick when you saw one bend out of sight to pick something - or someone - up. You felt little consolation in not knowing which it was.

Those people down there - the people being eaten alive - were your classmates, your advisors, your family. They were all you had, and they were being massacred. You could do nothing but watch, helplessly, hopelessly as their lives were snuffed out like candle lights in a harsh wind gale.

You gritted your teeth and turned inward to Armin, attempting to blind yourself to the catastrophe it seemed you were drowning in. The horror you would never escape.  You could smell the blood and titan saliva on his uniform, but dared not look away.

Eventually, the two of you regrouped with Connie, Ymir, and Christa, but you didn't really remember much of the exchange later. You emptily responded to Connie's queries, avoiding discussing the fate of the rest of your team. Connie didn't pry. Perhaps he understood. Perhaps he thought you had been separated. Maybe he didn't want to hear the truth verbalized. That would feel too final, for everyone.

Either way, you couldn't speak the words - they're all dead - aloud. You doubted you would ever be able to. Armin probably felt similarly. Perhaps the names of your friends - Eren Jaeger's name - would simply have to go listed with the rest of the missing, those who were either too mangled to recognize or swallowed whole and burned up in some monster's stomach acid to be regurgitated on some street corner with the remains of their comrades.

You tried to block those thoughts from your mind. You couldn't think of him that way.

Ymir made a few jabs about you and Armin failing your team, and Connie threatened to shut her up permanently. You didn't really care, but you vaguely registered Christa attempting to diffuse the situation in a high, panicked voice. Ymir laughed. Connie growled. Armin remained silent.

Their exchange made you feel nauseous and you swallowed. You looked up to the other soldiers with as much composure as you could muster. Still, you felt a drop a sweat drip down your temple and slide down the length of your ashen nose.

"That's enough," you cut in, interrupting Connie's tirade. Your voice wavered, so you cleared your throat before you continued. "We need to regroup with the others," you stated flatly, voice not betraying any of the turmoil you felt within.

Armin looked at you and nodded, eyes wet. "Don't worry about us," he assured weakly, voice trembling as he turned to the others. "We'll be with the rear guard."

Connie's eyes widened as he looked between the two of you, panic flashing within them. "Wait, you two, we should -"

You didn't hear what Connie said next. Armin gripped your waist tightly and fired his anchors out over the roof. You felt his body tense, and then the roof beneath your feet was there no longer, and you were airborne. You squeezed your arm around his shoulder to keep yourself upright.

Connie's shouts faded in your ears until the only thing you could hear was the whistling of the wind. You looked around you as Armin flew. He dropped low into the alleyway to avoid being seen by nearby titans. Around you, the blood of hundreds smeared the stone pathways and the walls. Occasionally, a stray limb or chunk of flesh lay among it. You felt your stomach churn sickeningly. Who did they... had they belonged to?

Armin's face said that he saw it as well, his teeth gritted tightly shut. "I was wrong," he whispered hoarsely. Whether or not he was talking to you was unclear. His voice barely reached your ears. "The world hasn't become hell. It's been hell."

You looked at him, and felt the beginnings of tears well up in your eyes at his heartbroken, dejected statement, but you bit them back. No, stop it! you chided yourself. You cannot cry here!

You held back your own despair and tried to think of the words that might comfort your trembling friend, but Armin let out a strangled sob and then descended, fast, his anchor failing to lodge itself in the wall ahead due to his distraction. You yelped before he hit the ground, curling in on yourself instinctively, but he shielded you from most of the impact so your injured leg was unaffected. He turned away from you and slid down the stone wall of the abandoned shop, face in his hands. He shook viciously.

"So this is how it all ends up," he moaned, sounding as if he was in agony. You imagined he was. "Eren tried to protect me, and..."

"Armin -" you began, feeling hot tears make their way down your dirtied cheeks.

But you were cut short when you both heard a high pitched grunting mixed with crying from not so far away from where you and Armin sat. Your eyes were both drawn to the heart-wrenching sound and away from your own sadness.

You saw a familiar mop of messy, ginger hair bent over a prone form, perhaps a bag or satchel. Hannah knelt on the stone ground beside it, covered in blood, the unidentified shape being pounded on by her small, freckled hands. She seemed to be chanting something - perhaps not so much chanting as pleading - her carrot-colored hair stained dark with blood, her face flushed and sweaty with exertion.

When you realized with horror that her actions vaguely resembled CPR, your eyes lowered to the shape. For a second, you didn't recognize him. But then your breath was stolen right from your lungs.

The form on the ground wasn't a bag. It was the upper half of Franz's body. The rest of him was nowhere to be seen, probably eaten. Hannah leaned forwards and tried desperately to breathe life into the crushed lungs of her love.

You knew how she must have been feeling. Still, it had to stop. For Hannah's sake. For Franz's.

You walked slowly to Hannah and knelt beside her, breathing out of your mouth to avoid the stench of Franz's body, but the rusty smell of blood clung to the air anyway, and you could taste it on your tongue. You lay your hand softly on Hannah's shoulder. She either didn't notice or didn't care, because she didn't stop or slow her efforts in the slightest.

"Hannah," you whispered gently, kneeling beside your friend.

"Don't," she warned. "Go away. I need to wake him up! Franz, please, wake up!"

"He won't wake up, Hannah. He can't," you explained with patience, peering into her tear-stained, freckle-dusted face. You had no idea how to get through to her. You knew her grief all too well, and didn't know how to make yourself, or even Armin, feel better. What could you possibly say to her?

"No, he has to wake up! We promised! He promised," she said fiercely, pressing even harder on Franz's chest.

"Hannah, please breathe, and look at him. I'm sorry, but he's not coming back," you said, hoping the bluntness of your statement may get through to her. "He's... Hannah, he's dead."

Hannah broke down and sobbed, leaning over Franz's bloodied torso. You rubbed her back in slow circles as she cried.

"I know it seems like there is nothing left... trust me, I know," you said quietly. Armin listened in silence. "But the best thing we can do for them now is to continue to move forward and make sure that they did not die for nothing."

Hannah looked at you, eyes bloodshot. You vaguely registered your own tears, and Armin's soft sniffles behind you.

"They are gone, but we are not. So we must carry on in order to remember them, because if we don't, no one will, and it will be like none of us ever existed. Like none of us ever made this sacrifice," you stopped and thought for a moment. "Not to mention, they'd be damn pissed if we dared to give up and die now after everything we've been through together the past few years. Franz especially would be pissed if you died for no reason, now, wouldn't he?"

Hannah looked up from Franz and into your eyes. You saw the tiny, familiar flame of determination in the midst of her grief and uncertainty.

"So live. For Franz," you finished, more certain than you were before when you started out. Whether you were saying these things for Hannah's benefit, or for Armin's, or even for yourself, did not matter.

Hannah was silent for a moment, but slowly, she nodded at you, the tears falling from her eyes slowing. Her heaving breaths no longer shook. "Okay."

You managed a smile for her. "Okay. I will be on the roof right there with Armin. I'd like to say 'take your time', but... it's not safe down here."

Hannah's eyes fell. "I understand. I'll be up in a minute."

She turned back to Franz, and Armin lifted you up to the roof in one swift movement. He placed you down at the peak of the shingled roof, so as to give Hannah and Franz a final moment of privacy.

He looked at you quietly for several seconds before speaking. "That was... good of you. I think it helped."

You tried to meet his gaze, but found it difficult. "I wasn't sure what I was going to say before I said it. I hope it helped."

Armin smiled for the first time since your squadron died. It was small, and it was sad, but it was a smile. "I'm not speaking only for Hannah when I say that I really do think it did," Armin whispered, finally looking away, a distant look on his blood-stained face.

You weren't positive what that meant, but you thought you understood.

You were deep in thought when you heard the zipping and hissing of 3DMG, and Hannah landed lightly beside you and Armin. You both looked up at her.

She composed herself, standing up straight. Her eyes were still red and puffy, but she was no longer crying, and had clearly regained control of herself and her senses. She met your eyes.

"I'm ready," she said resolutely.

You nodded at her. "Okay. We're going to regroup with the rest of the squadrons."

"Understood," Hannah replied.

As the three of you took to the air again, you felt a small weight lifted off your heart.

At least I was able to save one.

~

About an hour after you met up with the rest of the former-cadet squadrons - some lucky and still fully intact and others torn to pieces - you were standing beside Jean, who sat with his head in his hands, and Connie, who had shown up with his squadron shortly after you, Armin, and Hannah. The three of you discussed - or argued - about the best course of action to take now that you had a sizable group of soldiers to work with.

You had a sizeable group, sure - but no means for it to travel.

"We can't do anything," Jean moaned dejectedly.

He wasn't exactly wrong - the signal to withdraw had been given several minutes previously, but roughly ninety percent of the large group you were with had depleted their gas supply, as the supply depot team had not been seen since the beginning of the invasion to deliver replacements.

Whether they were dead or in hiding wasn't known. Either way, without the depot team, you were all without supplies and would never make it over the wall several miles away. It took a great deal of gas to propel oneself over the wall, even with the wires, and nearly everyone's gas canisters were just about empty.

You had recovered a set of 3DMG from a fallen member of another squadron, but it too was running low. Your old 3DMG gear had practically full canisters, but were obsolete as backup, as you had no idea where they even were anymore. Nonetheless, it was comforting not to feel completely helpless anymore.

"Where even is the supply team?" barked Connie angrily, pacing back in forth like a caged animal.

"They lost their will to fight. They abandoned their duty to supply us. I can't believe this is how it's gonna end... because of those damned cowards," growled Jean from his spot on the ground. He'd been saying the same things like a broken record for ten minutes. His voice didn't hold the same hostility as usual, though. Only sorrow.

"Hey," you finally scolded, turning on him with furrowed brows. "Cut that out. We don't know anything yet."

"I do," Jean replied emptily. "They're not bringing us supplies. And HQ is crawling with titans, so we can't go and get them ourselves. We're... just gonna sit here with our thumbs up our asses until we finally get eaten."

"What are you talking about? Why are we waiting here? We've got to go! Start thinning their numbers so we have a chance!" Connie shouted in Jean's blank face, clenching his fists.

"I agree with Connie," you said calmly. "If you think we're gonna die either way, then at least come with us and try! The end result will either be the same... or you'll live to see tomorrow."

Jean scoffed. "There won't be a tomorrow."

"Knock it the fuck off! We don't have much gas left. We'll just waste whatever we've got if we try to run, but we can't make it over the wall, and we can't just sit here waiting to die! So we have to fight our way to the depot!" Connie shouted, as energetic as ever.

"You're actually using your head for once? Nice going, Con. But I'm just not sure if we've got the numbers needed to pull this off. The vanguard has all been killed. And how, exactly, are a bunch of rookies supposed to accomplish what they could not? Even if some of us do survive the initial assault, I'm sure the supply room is infested with titans in the three and four meter range. I don't see us accomplishing much in there."

Connie's resolve visibly wavered, his eyes wide with fear. Even you felt your heart sink.

"It's hopeless," Connie whispered.

"What a dull life this turned out to be," Jean chuckled darkly. "I didn't get to tell him..."

You heard Sasha's encouraging voice from the other side of the roof, but you couldn't hear her words. Jean's speech rung in your head.

How are a bunch of rookies supposed to accomplish what they could not?

You rotated on your heels to observe your fellow soldiers across the rooftop. What you saw wasn't encouraging - Sasha's forced, almost insane, smile. Armin's dark form brooding against the wall. Jean and Connie sitting side-by-side with their heads in their hands. Marco, Reiner, Bertl, and Annie looking out over the ravaged district with severe expressions, muttering to each other under their breath. Many other familiar faces were mixed into the group, with matching looks of fear and despair etched into their eyes, eyes that had seen so much children never should have to see.

You walked over to the wall and sank down beside Armin, placing your head between your knees.

I am so sorry, Eren... there isn't anything I can -

BANG.

The roof shook as something heavy landed fifty feet away and began running towards the group. A flash of vivid red caught your eye.

Mikasa...

"Mikasa! Weren't you with the rear guard?" you heard someone yell.

She ignored them, looking around wildly, searching for something or someone. Her eyes rested on Reiner's group by the edge of the roof, who looked back her with emotions ranging from concern to indifference.

"Annie!" Mikasa shouted, running up to the small blonde.

Armin looked straight ahead, panic in his eyes. You understood his fear. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to escape the inevitable, but Mikasa's high voice and Annie's monotone carried over to you regardless.

Mikasa skidded to a stop before the four soldiers, a shingle coming loose and sliding down the slope of the roof before falling over completely. You didn't hear it hit the ground far below. "I know how bad things have gotten," Mikasa began, out of breath. "It's selfish, putting personal matters in the forefront, but... have you seen Eren's squad? Squad 34?"

You could almost see Annie's passive face as she responded. "Some squads made it back. I don't know about Eren's."

Reiner voice came next, his usual confidence evident. "We found a few of them. Armin and [Name] are over there by the wall. They haven't said much, though."

Oh, Sina, please, no. Don't ask me. You can't ask me. I can't say.

Despite your internal pleas, you heard her footsteps approach the two of you at a fast jog. The closer she got, the louder the steps got, the faster and harder your heart thundered in your chest. It hurt.

"Armin! [Name]!" she breathed in relief as she finally stopped her approach in front of you.

You still couldn't bring yourself to look up at her, fear and guilt tearing through your entire being like an electric current.

"Guys... I'm so glad you're alive. Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" she asked, her voice gentle. You felt her lay a hand on your bloodied knee. You slowly raised your head to look at her.

She was kneeling before the two of you, nothing but concern and worry written onto her beautiful face as she examined your injured leg. You couldn't face her. You couldn't tell her. Even still, you knew she had to ask.

You lowered your eyes once more, giving into the desire to avoid her.

Mikasa hummed quietly in contentment, ascertaining that the two of you were alive and not too seriously injured, before standing up straight and looking around the roof. She paused, noticing what, or who, was missing.

"Where is Eren?" she asked, and you finally heard a note of anxiety in her normally controlled voice. Your head snapped up to meet her gaze. She looked at you, confusion and nerves drawing her mouth into a frown. "...[Name]?"

You opened your mouth, but no identifiable sound came out. Your heart sped up dangerously as you searched for the right words, but you could hear the snap of Eren's arm again in your ears and your mind was emptied of all coherent thought. You were devoid of everything but the purest, most acute anguish. The edges of your vision began to turn black, slowly closing in until all you could see was Mikasa's grey eyes, shining with fear.

Armin began to speak from next to you, his voice choked up with sobs that you hadn't noticed. "They were... the cadets of Squad 34..." he began, barely able to control his voice. "Thomas Wagner... Nac Tius... Millius Zermusky... Mina Carolina... ...Eren Jaeger. These brave five... upheld their duties. They died valiantly in the field of battle."

Mikasa's eyes widened minutely, but her expression did not change. You weren't sure if speaking with an official tone made it any easier for Armin to break the news to her about her beloved brother, but he knelt on the ground beside you, hunched over and crying hard. He was continually uttering a string of almost imperceptible apologies and self-deprecations while you sat silently at his side, too tired even to cry anymore. Too guilty to apologize.

After what seemed like forever, Mikasa knelt before the two of you once more. Your stomach sank and you squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you waited for whatever was coming next - her sadness, her anger, anything.

But it never came. You felt her place her hand on top of yours and you looked up at her in shock. You saw her other hand placed on Armin's as she looked from him to you with her normal expression, unclouded.

"Calm yourselves," she said. "We haven't got time to be emotional right now."

Armin gasped softly in surprised at her serenity. You couldn't move for fear of breaking the spell.

Mikasa looked between the two of you once more. "On your feet," she said, pulling you both up by your hands before pivoting, and you stared after her as she walked away, calling out to Marco with a firm voice. You knew she must be feeling something, but looking at her, you would never have known it. She walked confidently, undaunted. "If we eliminate or bypass the titans at HQ, we can there refuel our gear, allowing us to get over the wall. Is that assessment correct?"

You couldn't say what you felt was relief as you watched her talk with Marco. You didn't know what you felt exactly. It was an unidentifiable simmer in your veins. Whatever it was, though, it propelled your feet forward, without your permission, and you followed Mikasa to the center of the roof.

After Marco's display of skepticism, Mikasa whipped around to face the group, eyes narrowing.

"I can do it," Mikasa spoke calmly, but her voice reached every ear on the roof. "I'm strong. Real strong. None of you come close," she raised her voice gradually as she drew one of her paring blades, raising it high above her head as she looked out over the soldiers congregating around her. "You hear me? I am a warrior! Know this: I have the power to slay all of the titans that block our path, even if I have to do it alone. As far as I'm concerned, I am surrounded by a bunch of unskilled cowardly worms!" she yelled, slashing her sword down to point it around the group. "You disappoint me. You can just sit here, and twiddle your thumbs, and watch how it's done."

A girl from the front of the group spoke up. "Mikasa, wait! Are you out of your mind? That's crazy!"

"You can't be serious!" another exclaimed. "Trying to take them out by yourself?"

"There's no way you can hope to beat them!"

"If we can't beat them, then we die. But if we win, we live. And the only way to win is to fight!" she yelled, taking off over the edge of the roof.

Everybody on the roof stood rooted to the spot, unmoving, watching her departure.

The feeling from earlier resurfaced more strongly than before as you watched the red blur of her scarf fading into the slightly smoke-obscured air. You understood now. It was an odd mixture of relief, guilt, sadness, frustration, confusion... and heartbreak. But beneath all that was something, born of fire, that you had never felt before. It boiled just beneath your skin, a scorching heat, screaming to rise up and break the surface. It filled your whole being with the flames of might, determination, and purpose, and in just one second, you knew how Eren had felt his whole life. You straightened your spine.

Mikasa was right.

You were not about to just sit down and wait for death to claim you. That went against everything you had ever believed in. Everything Eren, and Mina, and all the others had believed in and died for. You had spent years of your life building yourself up for this, training for this, working for this. This was a critical battle in the war for humanity's survival. You weren't about to throw it all away in a moment of weakness.

You were not weak.

You were going to win.

So, you had to fight.

And, when you won, you were going to devote your life to ensuring that this atrocity would never occur again.

You decided, right then, on that broken and bloodstained roof:

Tomorrow, you would join the Scouting Legion.

You strode to the edge of the roof, drawing your blades as you walked, renewed. You took and deep breath to center yourself and looked out at Mikasa's shrinking form for a second before looking over your shoulder at the rest of your uncertain comrades.

"This is our chance to win back our right to survive. She doesn't have to fight alone. That's up to us," you said. "I choose to follow her. Come with me, and fight so that we can make sure that this nightmare doesn't ever reach those we love within the walls. Fight so that no one ever again has to needlessly lose their lives as our friends have done for us today!" You heard a murmur of agreement among the soldiers. "Let's win back our world, and send those titans back to hell where they belong. For those inside the walls! For the fallen! For humanity!"

Connie yelled, thrusting his blade in the air. "For humanity!"

The other soldiers howled after him, throwing up their arms like you had both done before, freshly invigorated by Mikasa's speech and your following words, rushing over the edge of the roof in a mass of green and brown.

Finally, you launched your anchors into a nearby apartment building and took off after them, among your brothers and sisters.

The air blowing into your face breathed a new life into you, and you finally found the purpose you had been lacking all these years.

You rose from the ashes of your past, and of those you had lost on the way to where you were now.

You knew then that Amelia would have been proud of you.

You heard the whoops and battle cries of your fellow soldiers around you and the wind screamed in your ears as you flew.

Still, somewhere in the midst of all that noise, you could almost hear the sound of a roar in the distance, and your heart soared.